I couldn’t think of any other song as finite that adds to this snippet of my life until now.

Have you cared about someone so much that you before you knew it, you are blinded to give them all the intangible life forces (you believed in) in turn only to be the sacrifice? And be in that sacred space of partnership by a mere 12 inches away as they listened to love songs that weren’t about you as the lyrics filled the space? I was there by absent.

It was a jolt of hurt and sadness and everything that a heartache could be then I was jolted to anger and acceptance of the truth. This was my grieving period within minutes. Why should I hurt over someone that clearly never loved me at all. That moment was so raw. The sun drained my spirit.

I packed my bags like a bag lady about 4 times, uprooted, left jobs, and literary everything only to be sent bags packing again and again. That was one humiliation too much. And to have the other parties laugh about it. I made very expensive choices fracturing my integrity and character. And my self-worth was on its last breath.

Sorry became another sorry excuse. Honesty was a cheap admission of nothing when someone else was valued. Someone’s happyness was smugly in the background watching my life unfolded with a drink and popcorn. It was like the movie Set It Off with a twist to say Let’s Set her Up was being filmed and I was unknowingly the main character. I am a horrible actor, trust me. But we know who the true Author and Finisher is so now as I blog..it is not with a heavy heart but resiliency. I wish the producers of this failed/successful screenplay the exact awards they hoped to win for everyone is a winner.

So back to the lyrics of the song (which I deleted some to make it clarify and confirm) as the root of what I am blogging for…

There is a trajectory about relationships that either has us in a tailspin or brings us to the complete stop once we meet that one who saids “Hey, don’t I know you?”

Of course, it wasn’t the latter for me. But again, God knew the end from the beginning. And what we think is free will and his free will, it can be confusing when rooted in our fear and unresolved hurt and believing we owe others our lifetime. In truth, it is not that easy to differentiate. Being honest allows it eventually. Our paths are special but our journey is the same..one towards peace, self-acceptance and love. This is a brief life.

If you can sense through my tone..I am expressing matter-of-factly because I don’t have anything real to lose. My tears are dry and they aren’t salty anymore. I can’t cry over an illusion. I am blessed and alive. I would say it is that innate survival instinct but I believe more that is my affirmation as the child of the Most High.

There is something to be said about being in alignment because all crooked lines are still lines. Sometimes, you have to draw the line.

….

I never knew a…
Gotta be somethin’ for me to write this
Love has no limit
I know your heart is weathered by
I ain’t gon’ assault ’em ’cause I probably did it too

Because of you feelings I handle with care
Some niggaz recognize the light but they can’t handle the glare
You know I ain’t the type to walk around with matchin’ shirts
If relationship is effort I will match your work

I wanna be the one to make you happiest, it hurts you the most
They say the end is near, it’s important that we close
To the most, high
There are times when you’ll need someone
by your side
There is a light that shines
Special for you
It’s important we communicate
And tune the fate of this union to the right pitch
I did call you my bitch or even my boo
There’s so much in a name and so much more in you

Few understand the union of woman and man
And sex and a tingle is where they assume that it land

So I pray everyday more than anything friends will stay as we begin to lay
Why can’t it be anything worth having you work at annually?
It don’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine

There are times when you’ll need someone
I will
There is a light that shines
Special for you
It’s kinda fresh you listen to more than hip-hop
At times when I’m lost I try to find you
You know to give me space when it’s time to
My heart’s dictionary defines you, it’s love and happiness
Truthfully it’s hard tryin’ to practice abstinence

The time we committed love it was real good
Had to be for me to arrive and it still feel good
I know the sex ain’t gon’ keep you, but as my equal
It’s how I must treat you

As my reflection in light I’m a lead you
And whatever’s right, I’m a feed you
Digga da, digga da, digga da, digga digga da da
Yo I tell you the rest when I see you, peace

There are times when you’ll need someone
I will be by your side
There is a light…

Published by proverbsthirty1

An everyday woman with insight, mindfulness, peace, and the deliberate intent to share my life experiences so they can serve as life lessons to other women and young ladies trying to know and find themselves in the journey of life.

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